I slept until 2 and I still have to print out my pass and everything
why the fuck am I like this
why can’t I just put my laziness on hold for one fucking weekend
my flight leaves at 8:30 and I was planning on spending the day with people but OH LOOK SURPRISE THE DAY’S GONE
fucking lazyass me
oh my god there was a complete moment where I considered typing song lyrics into the Skype windows of my friends who are offline who I wan to talk to.
The process is complete.
I’m twelve again.
the thing about graduation is
the thing is
I DON’T WANT TO GRADUATE
BECAUSE GRADUATION MEANS GOING BACK HOME
I WOULD RATHER THROW MYSELF FACEFIRST INTO A WRITHING PIT OF PISSED-OFF SNAKES THAN GO HOME BECAUSE ONCE I GET THERE I AM AUTOMATICALLY EITHER A POTTY-MOUTHED FOUR YEAR OLD OR A MALADJUSTED FORTY-SEVEN YEAR OLD DEPENDING ON WHICH CAN BE BETTER USED TO LEAD ME AND I DON’T GET AN IN-BETWEEN OR ANY KIND OF FREE MOBILITY
AND IN CASE YOU MISSED IT, I AM ALMOST 22 AND I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THAT
text from the one person who actually did text me while all the shit was hitting the fan:
“It’s ok. All your friends care about you.”
…Oh, is that why no one bothered to look for me until everyone was ready to leave and then proceeded to say they thought I was going to re-enter the smoke trap and why didn’t I?
Cool story, bro. Tell another.
So some of my friends and I went to the town pub. Which is a total smoke trap. Some of you may recall that I get severe headaches and LOSE THE GODDAMN ABILITY TO BREATHE in smoke traps. So I kept stepping outside to re-introduce my lungs to air. Everyone saw me leave. Everyone knew my goddamn phone was dead. I even fucking told someone each time I left, in case (since no one bothered to stand with me), God forbid, I didn’t come back.
So after I announce to the guy I’m sitting next to, “hey, I’m going to go lie down in the flatbed [of another friend’s truck]”, and leave, I go and curl up, focusing on breathing
and no one comes out to check on me
and a SIGNIFICANT period of time elapses
and they sent someone to check the goddamn bathrooms
like what the fuck kind of logic is that, I can’t breathe in the smoke trap proper so I’m going to hide in the place where the smoke trap’s drunken patrons go to piss/shit/hurl. Simply STUNNING.
And I would’ve been fine when we got back, but I go in and this really happy member of the friends’ group greets me and that was just
the final straw
I am so angry I’m shaking and god I hope that friend in question doesn’t think I’m pissed at her
fucking hell this headache needs to go away but considering apparently it ISN’T a given that you don’t let a feminine person with a sense-altering headache and respiratory problems stagger around/outside a bar alone especially IF HER GODDAMN PHONE IS DEAD, this headache is apparently going to stick around awhile. Am I the only member of that group who was trained to not let people stumble around a bar alone?!
It was at someone’s birthday, what the fuck was I supposed to do, stand on a table and announce “HEY EVERYONE, SOMEBODY PLEASE COME WITH ME BECAUSE I CAN’T BREATHE FOR SHIT IN THIS AWFUL DIVE YOU CHOSE TO CELEBRATE AT, PLEASE STAY WITH ME OUTSIDE FOR THE REST OF THIS OUTING”?!
you know what. NO. Fuck this. Fuck the sad bullshit.
I am going to march down to the store in the campus center RIGHT FUCKING NOW and buy an ice cream sandwich, and the drizzly 41F weather can go fuck itself and EVERYTHING ELSE CAN GO FUCK ITSELF.
Fuckdammit I am too fucking fabulous to be a sad pathetic fuck. STOP IT.
nonono I can’t sleep now icansleepafterclassicansleepafterclassicansleepafterclass
this is a waking nightmare and I prefer the kind you can wake up from in fact I’d chase one right now if I didn’t hve to be in class that is how desperately tired I am what if I fall asleep in class or immediately after or something oh no I can’t do tht but I need to wait no augh I HAVE TO DO WORK but sleeeeeeeeep