I doubt Jesus would purposefully hit up a Chick-Fil-A today just to prove to his dad how much he hates the gays. I really do.
But if he did, I can give you the Reader’s Digest version of what would happen: He’d order up a couple of chicken sandwiches and some waffle fries, maybe a fruit cup, and POOF – dinner for five thousand. Remember the loaves and fishes thing? I bet it works for chicken and waffle fries, too.
Then, Jesus would take that food and feed the poor, some of whom are likely gay and have had sex outside of marriage. Why? Because compassion. Because love. Because judge not lest ye be judged. I imagine he’d probably give y’all a little lecture about being Pharisees, though.
I’m a pretty severely lapsed Catholic, and even I get this.
In summary, you’re doing it wrong.
Bless this post.
Contrary to myth, Christianity’s concept of marriage has not been set in stone since the days of Christ, but has constantly evolved as a concept and ritual. Prof. John Boswell, the late Chairman of Yale University’s history department, discovered that in addition to heterosexual marriage ceremonies in ancient Christian church liturgical documents, there were also ceremonies called the “Office of Same-Sex Union” (10th and 11th century), and the “Order for Uniting Two Men” (11th and 12th century).
These church rites had all the symbols of a heterosexual marriage: the whole community gathered in a church, a blessing of the couple before the altar was conducted with their right hands joined, holy vows were exchanged, a priest officiated in the taking of the Eucharist and a wedding feast for the guests was celebrated afterwards. These elements all appear in contemporary illustrations of the holy union of the Byzantine Warrior-Emperor, Basil the First (867-886 CE) and his companion John.—
Suck on that, Bristol Palin. (via sherlockable)
You should read the whole thing. It’s incredible. I’m still trying to find the original source material, but if this is true… wow.
Ladies and Gentlemen, my Mother.
She went so ham that she went BACON on that asshole.
Oh WOW. This is amazing.
Christians protecting Muslims as they pray during the NLC rally in Abuja on 1/10/12.
Hey Conservatives? This right here? THIS is what Christianity is all about. Loving your neighbor and spreading good to all mankind, regardless of who they are.
Your daughter and her new girlfriend have joined you and your extended family for a holiday feast. You’re thrilled that they agreed to come. But your favorite uncle apparently didn’t get the memo about how great it would be to have a lesbian couple sitting at the table. Somewhere between the hors d’oeuvres and main course, he starts grumbling about how “crimes against nature” and “abominations” are ruining his holiday.
Do you: a) fake a migraine and escape to your bedroom for two hours; b) switch the topic to politics, which would surely be easier to talk about than this; or c) adopt a non-anxious, self-confident posture as you calmly explain why God has no problem with your daughter’s relationship and neither should anyone else?
I imagine most people would like to choose option “C,” but far too few feel sufficiently prepared to do it. I don’t recommend delivering a lecture on this topic over dinner. But if you’re worried about entertaining homos for the holidays, here’s a brief religion survival guide that can help soothe the family conversations. Just imagine chatting with your beloved uncle over eggnog. Whenever he makes one of the following claims (as he likely will), just respond calmly and lovingly in return, like this:
Uncle Claim #1: The Bible clearly condemns homosexuality.
Your Calm Response: Lots of people think exactly the same thing! But did you know that most biblical scholars agree that biblical writers never addressed gay and lesbian relationships as we know them today? The word “homosexuality” wasn’t even invented until the late 19th century. Biblical writers cared much more about guarding against idolatry and condemning social and economic injustice than worrying about who fell in love with whom. Want to talk about year-end bonuses for Wall Street moguls?
Uncle Claim #2: But wait, God destroyed Sodom because of all that gay sex, right?
Your Calm Response: Actually, in the story of Sodom in Genesis 19, all the men of Sodom attempt to gang-rape some foreign visitors. As in rape cases today, this act is not about sexuality but about violence, power, and the hatred of strangers. All the references to this story in the rest of the Hebrew Bible (the Christian Old Testament) confirm that the “sin” of Sodom was hatred of foreigners, pride, and abuse of the poor. No sexual “sin” is mentioned in any of these later references to the story of Sodom’s destruction. You know, biblical writers would probably urge us to discuss U.S. immigration policy if we’re going to talk about “sodomy.”
Uncle Claim #3: Well, OK. Still, the Bible clearly supports heterosexual marriage as the ideal.
Your Calm Response: I used to think so, too! But did you know that the primary form of marriage in the Hebrew Bible is polygamy, with the prize going to King Solomon, who was said to have 700 wives and 300 concubines? I was really surprised to realize that in the New Testament, both Jesus and Paul were unmarried and childless and seemed to recommend that everyone else follow their example (the best thing Paul could think to say about marriage is that it cures lust; take a look at 1 Corinthians 7). Actually, we could talk about the amazing biblical stories of same-sex devotion concerning Jonathan and David or Ruth and Naomi!
Uncle Claim #4: Then why did God create Adam and Eve, you know, rather than Adam and Steve?
Your Calm Response: Have you met Steve? He’s fabulous… OK, just kidding. But think about this: the biblical creation stories in Genesis never mention same-sex relationships of any kind. The purpose of those stories is to show that God is the creator of everything that exists — don’t you think that this would include people who have a sexual orientation towards others of the same sex? And think about the creation story in Genesis 2. That chapter seems to say that the explicit purpose of creating sexual partners is not for the procreation of children but instead for the relief of loneliness. Same-sex relationships fulfill that purpose of creation as well as different-sex relationships do — just look at your grand-niece! Doesn’t she seem happy with her girlfriend?
Uncle Claim #5: Of course she does! But the Church won’t accept her relationship!
Your Calm Response: You know what? Lots of churches will! And you know what else? The Church has never really figured out what to say about marriage. Way back in the first few centuries of Christianity, the Church actually elevated celibacy as the spiritual ideal, not marriage. Only in the medieval world and especially in the Protestant Reformation during the 16th century did Christians start to talk about marriage as a significant Christian vocation. Today, lots of churches recognize same-sex relationships as a blessing just like heterosexual couples are. But right now, dear uncle, don’t you think the most important thing is to make my daughter and her girlfriend feel welcome here, in our family?
Your holiday conversation probably won’t go exactly like that. But here’s the most important thing: religion is supposed to draw us together, create community, and deepen our love for one another. You love your uncle, and you love your lesbian daughter. Religion should never force you to choose between them. That’s the good news of religion this holiday season: God loves LGBT people just as much as your beloved uncle. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Also useful for any other time of the year when encountering a religious homophobe.
Have you ever seen this email?
You don’t think we’re in a war???
These are starting to show up around our country! After dinner she took a $1 dollar bill out of her purse and displayed it on the table. Underneath the words “In God We Trust” someone had stamped the dollar bill in red ink — NO GOD BUT ALLAH.
We asked her where she had gotten this dollar bill. She said it was part of her change in Alamosa , CO .
We took a picture of her dollar bill. If anyone tries to give you one of these dollar bills as change, please refuse it and ask them to give you a dollar bill that has not been defaced.
Send this on to everyone you know, please.
I may have hit reply all and responded to my family…
This is why “In God We Trust,” shouldn’t be on the bill to begin with.
1) The phrase was not added until 1956 to the bills. It was added due to the Red Scare, when Americans were afraid of everything that could be associated with socialism.
2) The phrase violates the separation of church and State, which has been well supported by numerous Supreme Court cases that make it clear that a State endorsement of religion in any way, form, or shape is unconstitutional. Putting in Allah We Trust is just as bad as putting In God We Trust on our money; they both impose a religious ideology on individuals.
3) The original motto “E Pluribus Unum” (meaning of many, one) is more representative of a a diversified America, does not impose any religious ideology on anyone, and was supported by our Founding Fathers.
Also, technically, this is not defacement of currency. The U.S. Bureau of Engraving and Printing defines defacement as the following:
“Whoever mutilates, cuts, disfigures, perforates, unites or cements together, or does any other thing to any bank bill, draft, note, or other evidence of debt issued by any national banking association, Federal Reserve Bank, or Federal Reserve System, with intent to render such item(s) unfit to be reissued, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than six months, or both.
Defacement of currency in such a way that it is made unfit for circulation comes under the jurisdiction of the United States Secret Service. The United States Secret Service web address is www.secretservice.gov.”
This has not been made unfit for circulation nor has the user made the bill unfit to be reissued. This is why you’ll find bills marked with things like, “Track George,” where you can find out where your dollar bill has been around the country. www.wheresgeorge.com/
Neither bill, the Allah bill or the Track George bill, have been made unfit to be reissued.
No response yet.
Helvetebrann, I’m offering you a high-five through this reblog and copying your rebuttal for reference in case that irritating e-mail ever reaches my inbox. Thank you for being awesome!
I don’t need an old, poorly translated book to tell me not to be a murderer, and the idea that anyone does really is fucking terrifying.
Aaaaahhh, so true. I don’t like the idea that some people consider the contents of the Bible the only thing between people and being horrible… especially because the most hateful, unpleasant people I ever met were also Christians. (That is not a reflection on all Christians—I also know many nice, accepting Christians. However, the worst treatments I ever faced came from other self-identifying Christians.)